Why can't I title my post?

Have a little time on my hands...

so I thought I'd blog a bit more. Why not, right? I also realized that this blog is about the only place I didn't post a picture of how I began to reclaim my identity. Here, take a look.

Yup, bye bye long hair HAHAHAHA

Well actually, I'm growing it back out a bit but this time I'm going to have layers instead of having it all one length and I'm not letting it grow as long. I kind of miss my curls a bit. We'll see. Currently it's in the weird grow out do I cut it or leave it alone stage.

Uhm, still singing kareoke. As a matter of fact I have a pretty decent group of friends that I have met through my kareoke bar. I don't drink or anything, just sing. It seems like those of us that can actually carry a tune have gravitated together into an awesome bunch. Hey hey, for the first time in my life I belong to the IN crowd. WHEEE!!! I'm having a blast where that is concerned. It's like my own little Cheers, where everybody knows my name and they're always glad I came.

Mas manana (more tomorrow).

General update

Alrighty, I figure it's time for an update.




Work-working 6 or 7 days (nights) a week. Busy busy bee, taking as many hours as they'll give me. I hate that I have no real days off, hate that I spend so much time away from home but I have to take care of my family alone now.





Personal-FINALLY to the point where I am NOT in love with John anymore. I actually saw him last night and thought, "YUCK! I married that?!?" So that's a huge step in the right direction.





Alex-Graduated 8th grade with honors, won herself a "Presidential Award" third year running. Go my girl, go!!! She's all attitude anymore, but with the divorce and all, I think it's normal. Plus her being nearly 14 doesn't help. Here's what I see daily...


Dogs-Skyler and Jesse are learning to get along. Jesse has all the appropriate instincts regarding respecting the alpha but Skyler has issues BEING alpha. This means that he ends up a bit more pushed around than he should be, though we're working on that.

Not much here but I'm tired. Just thought I'd let you know I am still alive LOL

Tagged

My friend Kat tagged me on her blog, so I'm supposed to tell you some stuff about me. I'd be more enthusiastic about it but right now, I'm tired and sad. But still, it's cool that she thought of me so I can't let her down, right? So here goes, ten things about me that you may not know...

1. My littlest toes have almost no nail. They remind me of baby chickens.
2. There's not an animal on this planet that I wouldn't pet, hug, or talk to.
3. My best friend in the whole world was a cat.
4. I talk to myself, even designing whole stories or conversations I wish I could have with people.
5. I think people who judge on physical appearances have weak minds.
6. I like most animals more than I like most people.
7. I'm not who people think I am.
8. I like vanilla yogurt better than just about anything else in the world.
9. Rice, tuna and ceasar dressing eating all mixed together, make me happier than sex.
10. I'm still in love with my husband.

So there ya go.

Forever changed

My life yesterday became forever changed. My husband filed for divorce. It came as a complete shock to me as he was still telling me he loves me. Just days, or maybe a week ago, he was talking about how he used to say he'd never get married again and just look at him now, happily married. Now he tells me that he hasn't been happy for a while now.

I'm wondering if it could be as simple as my not having sex with him the last time he came home. Maybe I made him feel bad somehow. Maybe it's not really about me at all. I don't know. I've spent 7 years of my life with this man. I thought I knew him. I thought he knew me.

As it turns out, we never really knew anything at all. Maybe something good will come out of this, maybe (I'm only saying it here dear blog) he'll change his mind and come home.

Memories are bittersweet.

I've been thinking this week, of things I did when I stayed with my Grandparents.

There was this tree that split about 5 feet from the ground from one trunk to two. It was a perfect split for an elementary schoolgirls bottom to fit in. I spent many hours in that tree reading books and day dreaming.

I remember going out to Grandma's garden with her to get fresh green onions. She grew them and they were always washed and the root ends cut off. Then she'd put them on a plate and put them on the table. It must have been every dinner they'd be there.

Grandma's sewing room used to have hippy beads instead of a door. In that room was a doll that I spent a lot of time playing with.

I remember bread and butter for snacks when I got home from school. The smell in the kitchen when Grandma cooked. Her laugh. It's breaking my heart that I am forgetting the sound of her laugh already.

I remember Grandpa's homemade bird houses and bird feeders and filling the feeders all the time. Hummingbirds coming into the house. The smell of salt water because they were within a couple block of the bay.

Grandpa was always quiet but ready to praise and hug.

I can't believe how much pain my heart is still in.

Tribute to my Grandparents.

Stan and Marge Jones, my Grandparents. I loved them more than anyone else on earth probably. They loved me without condition, without thought. They just loved me.

Gram left us on October 18, 2006. Grandpa left us on February 04, 2007. They would have celebrated thier 60th wedding Anniversary in March.

With Grandpa's passing an era has ended. My home is gone. I always thought home was where my Mom is. Nope, home was where my Grandparents were. I'll miss them so much. I love them so much. I hope that I can continue on the path that makes them proud.

Goodbye Grandpa

My sweet Grandpa passed away yesterday. I just talked to him on Saturday and told him how much I loved him and he said he loved me too and that I was a good girl, a good granddaughter. I'm going to miss him.

Dang it all, I had to go and do that letter thing

Sorry y'all. I got the porn spam in my comment section. Now I've had to go and add that letter verification thing. I didn't want that porn stuff poluting my blog.

The ring

Yep, that's it. "THE" ring. Ain't it purty?

Now for everything else.

1. I joined Curves
2. John bought me a gorgeous ring (will post pictures once I get it back from the jeweler). It's being sized and was supposed to be done today, but now won't be done until Saturday.
3. My brother is still in and out of the hospital with health issues.

As The twister spins...

First things first...PROMOTION!!!

Yup, I got a promotion. It's the first time I've ever gotten one and for the most part I am pleased, especially since it came with a hefty raise (ok so for me $.70 is hefty). I'm a Sergeant now. Heck I even have to sign all of my paperwork with Sgt. preceding my name. On top of that, I've been named "Onsite Supervisor" for the Salem District. This means that ALL stationary posts fall under my watch. The Captain doesn't have to handle the onsite crap as well as the patrol crap anymore. So this means that not only am I working two posts (one place over the weekend and a second place Monday nights) as usual, but I'm "on call" to deal with anything that comes up on my off days.

The first challenge came Monday. The client I work for on Monday's requested a change in the paperwork. They weren't specific as to why or exactly what except to say, "We want to know who is coming in and out and why...". But they did say that they had no problem with and in fact liked, my paperwork. Thus the office has decided to make it simple..."Andrea, talk to the other two officers and get this paperwork thing settled." Joy. The male employee took it really well and likes the challenge. I NEVER thought that the way I did my paperwork was challenging, but whatever floats his boat. I write down the time the trucks come in, the truck number and the number of trailers they bring in as well as the number on each trailer. If a contractor comes in, I write down what time he's in, what he did and when he left. Sounds simple enough. But this guy finds it challenging. The most important detail is that he claimed he didn't have any company issue paperwork, so he'd created his own on his computer. I gave him some paperwork. The Captain asked that I go back last night and help the male officer because he was confused. We got things settled easily but I was a bit shocked. He had a HUGE stack of company issue paperwork. He said he found it mixed in with some other stuff at his home. OY!

Now I know that those of you who read here have heard all about the female officer that I've butted heads with at my weekend post. I'm her boss now too. I gave her the same speech I gave the male officer, showed her how to do the paperwork right. Come to find out SHE'S the reason they've demanded a change in paperwork. She wrote down the basics that we're all to write down when we come on shift, and that was it. She didn't write down when the trucks came in or out, didn't document that the contractors were there...nothing. I'll break our last meeting down like this...

Her (in Purple)
Me (in pink)

I do it like the boss showed me.

I see. Well, this is how it needs to be done now.

Do I get a raise now, since they want all this extra stuff?

It's not extra. This is how it's supposed to have been done all along.

Oh. Well this is the only place you're my boss right? Not the other place?

No, I am the supervisor for ALL stationary accounts.

Oh. Did you get a raise?

I've already mentioned to you that wage discussion is against company policy.

So what, now I get a write up or something?

She's difficult and I suspect she'll quit soon. Works for me. I'll pick up her Tuesday night shift here locally, the male officer can get her Sunday night shift and we can fill her Fri/Sat shift with someone else.

Being sicks bites the big butt

I've had this weird cold for a freakin' WEEK already! I'm tired of being sick. I'm not sleeping well because the stupid cold is in my chest now and I can't breath. If I'm not better by Wednesday then I have to go see the doctor. I soooooo don't want to do that.

My Grandpa is ill. He was in the hospital for several days last week. I guess he'd had some water retention that wasn't going away with medication, fluid around his heart and when they did an "Upper GI" (dunno what that is exactly), they found bleeding in his intestines too. He needed what he calls "patching up" there to stop the bleeding and he had a blood transfusion. I'm scared for him.

And so, it goes on...

Life I mean. I just keep waking up. It would seem more appropriate for a life shattering event like my Gram's death would at least stop the world for a while. But it doesn't. Instead it just throws more shit into the wind.

My brother had a massive heart attack. Yah you read me right, my BROTHER. He's 39. MASSIVE HEART ATTACK. Hello meth, you should come with warning labels. What's that? You do? Oh yeah, on all the chemical bottles you're made from! Der, wonder why the nimrod didn't think first? Oh, because he's stupid. Yah, I forgot sorry. Back to the story. So he has a massive heart attack while cruising around at the mall in his town. He was even walking, which since he's got a prosthetic limb isn't impossible, but it's impressive. He's a selfish, lazy bastard. I'd have thought the pity he'd get while cruising in his wheelchair would have been more up his alley. Wow, can we say unresolved anger issues? Huh. So, he died. Yep, DIED. Fortunately for him, the paramedics were able to bring him back. A couple of days later, he has a triple bypass operation. He's home within a week of his near fatal heart attack.

Mom's sweetie birds Sunny and Baby have passed away. I think it's unfair that my Mom is having all this crap heaped on her. She's a little woman, with little shoulders. This is a heavy load to carry. I help. I'm great at carrying burdens. She says thanks for worrying about her, but she's fine.

Fine. She's fine. I'm fine. The whole f*cking world is fine. I hate the word fine.

What I am is angry. Angry that my Gram is gone and Tre was given yet ANOTHER chance. See, this was his second heart attack. He also had that septic infection. Three times now we've heard, "We're not sure he'll survive this." Three? What happend to three strikes and you're out? Ah well, I'm not God. So I sit and try to understand His wisdom. I can't, so I suppose I should follow my own rule, "Let go and let God."

John'll be home for a few days (yep he's driving long haul in case I didn't mention that". He leased a truck, I am simply less than joyful with that decision made without discussing it with me first. He's got court later on today for a lame-ass monkey traffic citation. Not a good topic to discuss because I'd like to feed that State Trooper to a rabid dog, while he (the cop) is still concious.

So, this is life going on. Whee. Ain't it fun?

Oh, some good stuff. Alex is still getting good grades. I'd say great but she said she doesn't think she's got another straight A report card coming. She thinks there are a few B's on there. That's ok I reckon. She audition for and made "Spotlight". That's the middle school's "Elite" drama class. Of course I think it's crap that they make you audition for a CLASS. If she hadn't made it, she'd have had to wait until next year in high school to take drama. They only offer Drama I and Drama II at her school as regular classes.

Anyhow, back to life going on. Ciao.

I miss you Grandma

You left this world last Wednesday (October 18, 2006), and it's a darker place now. I never got to see you again, to hug you or touch you. I can never call you again and hear, "Well hey darlin'!". I hope that you really knew how much you meant to me. You were the only one who never made me doubt that I belong. I was blessed because my life had you in it. It's so hard to know that I can't talk with you anymore. You never got to meet my husband or my dog. Ahhh Grandma, what am I going to do without you? I'm so sad.

Mom comes home tomorrow and I know you wouldn't want me to fall apart in front of her so I'm trying desperately to hold it together. She's been so strong through this, you'd be proud of her. She's really trying to focus on the fact that you aren't hurting anymore, you aren't sick and you aren't smoking. I think heaven is a no smoking kind of place, isn't it?

Gram, I promise to do everything I can to be the best person I can be every day. I know, or at least I hope, you're watching over me always. I love you so much Grandma. I just really hope you knew that.

9/11/01 (Five Years Later)

I remember. I had to wait until now to post about it because I worked yesterday.

I was driving my daughter to school and listening to the radio. I heard them say something about the Twin Towers. I thought, "is it the anniversary of the day someone put bombs in the garage there?" So when I got home I turned on the tv. Just in time to catch the second plane hit. I can't remember what I was wearing, simply that it was something I'd thrown on. But I remember dropping to the floor in absolute shock. I stayed glued to the television and watched those beautiful towers. I saw people jumping out of windows and was horrified. I was still thinking to myself, "but if they just wait...." And then, it happened. The second tower fell, and the first soon followed. It solidified in my mind at that moment, "Those people knew there was no way out." Which was followed quickly with, "How many innocent people just died because some people don't like our government?" I sat and sobbed. I had to work that night, and I took my radio with me so that I could listen. I took one of my emergency candles out of my emergency kit in the car and lit it. That candle continued to get lit every day until they'd declared that there were no more survivors to be found.

I watched the coverage of the Pentagon and I remember being sort of numb and thinking, "Well at least not as many people died there."

And then they talked about that 4th plane, the one that crashed before it reached it's destination. I prayed that it wasn't an "accidental dump" by the stupid terrorists but that perhaps some brave person or persons had managed to turn the tables at the last minute. That's exactly what we all found out later had happened.

I have two brothers in the Marines. The eldest narrowly escaped being sent over to Iraq during the Gulf War. But he's in Iraq now, for the third time. The younger brother has been over once and is scheduled to go over again soon. I worry about all our soldiers there. I mourn with the families left behind when beloved soliders are killed.

I'm disgusted that our president used yesterday as an excuse to justify his personal vendetta against Iraq.

My hero died today.

He was probably the most awesome man I never got to meet, and was without a doubt my hero. He lived each day of his life to the fullest, doing what he loved. He was a devoted and outspoken advocate for animal rights and conservation. He loved the normally unlovable creatures of the earth. He was a loving husband and a proud father. The legacy he leaves behind is amazing, and the footsteps left to fill are large ones. There was so much more to be done, sadly he can't help us see the bigger picture anymore.

My heart is heavy with grief for his family, for myself and for the world. I believe we've lost the modern day Noah. I'm sure that every animal waiting on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge cried out for Joy when he strolled over. They have thier friend with them. But there are tears of sadness here. All his animal friends at Australia Zoo have lost someone very special and I'm sure their little hearts are broken too.

Rest in peace Steve. You were loved. You are honored and you are greatly missed already.

Since he's not here to say it, I'm going to do it for him....."HA! Told you the crocs wouldn't get me!"

An update again? Already? Ok fine!

About Me. Well of course I start with me, it's my blog!

You know, I'm really not all that interesting. I can't seem to focus right now for some reason. Reading is about the only thing that I can focus on for any extended period of time. Probably because a book seems to take me away from myself, or something. TV is boring me, crocheting is a pain because I have this half finished project eatin away at my subconcious SCREAMING, "Finish me dammit!" But I really don't want to do it right now, too hot. Sewing is a drag because I'm just learning and trying to sew in a straight line is HARD. Not to mention actually putting two pieces of fabric together and making them stay together, not having one drag or slide out of place...HARD! I want to buy some cute baby quilted panels for a couple friends who are having babies. You know the ones that are just a cute picture or something, that I just have to sew a binding on? Well I want to put that nice satin ribbon type binding on them. Then, it's sort of bought and sort of made because I sewed something. But my practice one...UGLY. I need help. Lost the number of the person who said she'd help me. Probably threw it out because it was written on an old reciept in my wallet. OY!

How come I can be a totally strict, grumpy parent and yet still give my child permission to put blue streaks in her hair. Do you think she's caught on that her Mom is nuts? Hope not.

About Alex. As I said above, the child will be returned to me with Smurf hair. Or maybe just smurf colored hair. Dunno, but I'll find out Sunday. Just streaks though, hopefully they don't go totally nuts with it.

She's all set for school. I think it's a raging drag that the extent of the new clothes she got is...two pair of jeans and a pair of shoes. That's it. Thankfully Katie (my awesome favorite niece) gave Al a BUTTLOAD of clothing. Katie's stuff is always nearly new looking. Alex LOVES to get clothes from Katie because they are always, "In style". But still, I'd like to have gotten her a few more things. Alex is taking a totally awesome class first semester, "Crime Scene Investigation". She's really stoked about it. She also got to be TA for her all time favorite teacher.

About John. Can we get a WOOT WOOT for Big Daddy? His blood sugar is under control totally. He's been taking his meds (hold on while I remind him LOL). We're just waiting for our first traffic court date regarding the light bar, and then a doctors appointment. Then John is on his way back to driving long haul. And I can reclaim my bathroom, but we're not talking about me here LOL.

About Skyler. He's pretty much back to normal. There are good days and not so good days, but that's normal with any animal I suppose.

There. I updated!

I suppose an update is in order.

I haven't blogged in a while, probably because nothing interesting happens around here.

Skyler...
He's doing better. Pretty much back to his happy, healthy, SNOTTY self.

John...
Don't get me started.

Alex...
Turned 13 this week and started her period two days later.

Me...
Traumatized by my baby turning 13 and starting her period two days later.

Hooray for work!!! (and other babbles)

Yesterday it was 103 or something like that. Today it's supposed to be 97. Hooray for my job!!! The building (guard shack) is AIR CONDITIONED!!! And better than that, I have control. So I can make it as cool as I want it. Ohhh how odd to be looking forward to work.

It's going to be sort of fun too because I'm going in with a newer look. I dyed my hair last night. It's kind of purple (accident). But that's ok. I'm sort of quirky so I guess it fits. The biggest change...(no I'm not posting a picture of it), I went and got a haircut. I mean a HAIRCUT, as in whacked 6 inches off. All I ever do is put it in a ponytail. That's speeding up the whole hair falling out thing by constantly breaking hair off when I tug my scrunchie out. So I had them cut it up to my collar. I didn't even know my hair was going halfway down my back. First thing in the morning when I get up, it goes into the scrunchy in a sloppy bun. I don't like hair in my face. So, should be interesting to see if anyone really notices.

My ego got a HUGE boost last weekend. Ok I know truck drivers can be somewhat sleezy. But still, other than my own husband I've never been hit on by one. Though I've heard a few comments when meeting John at a truck stop about how desperate that poor bastard much be to pay "her" (meaning me) to be with him. Blah. Anyhow...this guy was kind of cute for an older (in his fourties) man. He came in early on Sunday, wasn't due to deliver his load until Monday morning. He asked if I was on duty all night, to which I replied "No Sir, as a matter of fact I am just about to get off." I didn't think anything of what I said, maybe I was too tired. But then he took a moment, looked me up and down slowly and then said with a grin, "Yeah me too." Then he hopped into his truck. I think maybe he was flirting with me. Ok so it was filthy and probably normal women would have been offended. But I haven't felt real attractive lately, so it was sort of funny/nice.

Hmmm what else is going on...not a whole lot. Oh! Alex is at my folks for a while. She likes it there and it's healthier for her right now. With our weather being so hot, she gets sick like I do. My folks have AC so she can stay fairly cool. My Dad has even invited her to travel with him to Colorado. I don't know if Alex is going to do it though. She and Dad aren't as close as they used to be. He's sort of got it in his head that when girls turn into young ladies, then a hug isn't just a hug anymore. He calls it, "Playing the Lolita." I think he's sick. When she wants to give him a hug, it's because SHE LOVES HIM. Plus if she doesn't go, she gets my Mom's undivided attention, which she likes. Dad is going because James Jr. (My nephew?) is in some Little League Championship or something. He's the teams star pitcher. I don't know him, never met him. His father is my Dad's youngest son.

Well, I'm off to go wash my face, put makeup on and get ready for work.