It ain't easy being cheezy.

Nothing has happened really. I'm just tired. John will start working the district closest to home soon and He's decided that I can work on his days off. I love how he volunteers me for things. No, no I can't work more hours. I'm already killing my body with the few I'm working. But if I work more hours right now we'd get more money. Though, it'd kill my disability status before I can even get approved. ARGH! Physically I can't tolerate even the 14 hours I'm already working because I have to be standing and walking so much. It's just so frustrating!!

There was a terrible shooting tonight.

I was standing outside as I usually do for work and I heard two POP's. I had enough time to debate with myself about whether they were gun shots or firecrackers when all of a sudden there were four more POP's. I called 911 when I heard sirens and was told there was "an incident". I only called because this was CLOSE. I mean those shots could have been fired from the apartments next to work, it was that loud. I needed to know if we needed to keep everyone inside for a while. So an incident is all I got told, until after 1am. A police officer came by to search our parking lot and to talk with me (gave the 911 operator my location, my name and the fact I was working outdoors and that I heard shots). I found out from that police officer that yes, I did hear gunshots. I was able to tell him how many times the gun was fired, which he said helped them a lot because the only people they'd talked to were so shaken up they couldn't be sure. But...someone was murdered tonight. I'm pretty shaken by it because while I didn't SEE anything, I heard it. I heard someone's life end tonight and I don't think it's something I'm going to get over very soon.

Stormy goes to the rescue

It was sad leaving her there because she looked at me with her big sad eyes like she was thinking, "Hey, where are you going? What about me?" But I know I did what was right for all of us. Skyler is back to his happy dog self which makes me very happy. I've missed him these last few days as he just moped and didn't want anything to do with me. Alex was sad to see her go but also happy that she's going to go to an adult only home with no kids to challenge her for space and attention. I'm just going to have to deal with the fact that I couldn't cope with everything.

Boy have I been busy!!!

Tuesday evening I get a call from N regarding "Oreo" (from here on out she is known as Stormy), a dog that one of her friends (I'd wager she's a dope or pot addict) owns. Apparently Stormy got bigger than this lady wanted. She'd be shut off in a laundry room and wasn't allowed out except to be taken on an occasional walk or to go potty. She got hit with a fly swatter as discipline and yelled at a lot. She was filthy, flea ridden, unvaccinated and in head. Well, we now have Stormy.

Skyler is afraid of her. We're hoping he warms up to her because if he doesn't, I mean really doesn't, we'll have to take her to the rescue. I probably should have just done that to start with before she became attached. Sure I like her, but I could have let her go. However, she follows me around EVERYWHERE, whines if I even go into the bathroom without it...it's nuts. If we end up having to give her up she's going to be MISERABLE. So, let's hope that Skyler continues to get better with her. He'll sniff her, but he still backs off from her and runs away when she tries to play. Getting her spayed should help mellow her and maybe then when she's settled down, he'll not be so scared. I dunno.

I took her in to the vet and got her shots, de-wormed, nails trimmed and had an exam done. She's in pretty decent health all things considered.

I'm EXHAUSTED! Gonna go take a nap. I only get a couple hours sleep at a time because she gets needy.

Sunday and monday blahs

I didn't sleep real well, or for very long. Dang it.

I made a pretty bracelet for myself, it has a rainbow in it. I suppose some people will think I'm gay, since they stole the rainbow. It's a sign of God's promise dang it, not gayness. I love rainbows!

I'm tired already, but it's drug induced. I took a flexeril for my muscles. Ugh!
***********************************************************************************

I just got home from picking Alex up. She's happy to be home and I'm glad to have her back. See how fickle I am?

I don't want to be out of bed yet!

I can't sleep. Oh I get spurts of an hour or so, but I'm not sleeping soundly. It used to just happen at night, not anymore. I dunno why my brain has to have it's up time ALL the time. Or maybe it's my body. (OW) My back hurts, that's another thing.

Well then there is the whole, John's awake yet for some reason can't take Skyler outside so I have to, thing. Then (get this) I try to feed him breakfast. Damn dog wouldn't eat until I took his food into the bedroom so that he could be where John was. Of course I had to sit with him or he wouldn't eat it. ARGH! That was around 9ish this morning. This afternoon he woke me up, wouldn't poop when I took him out. Came in, drank a ton of water and then hurled it all over the kitchen floor. Something is wrong with my dog but I don't have money until Friday. The vet said as long as he's eating relatively normal, has solid stools and has the same ol personality as always, that if it's anything at all it should be pretty minor. *sigh* I worry. His lymph nodes are swollen in his neck, but John says I'm seeing things that aren't there. I worry anyway.

I don't want to go to work tonight. My face is all sniffly.

Friday ain't would it should be

what with me having to work and all. It's going to be brrrrrrrrrrrrr cold tonight! It's also the last couple of days for my favorite employee (B) where I work. Sigh, he's so funny!

WOOHOO!!! My Dad arrived to pick up Alex! He and I finished putting her bed together (He'd forgotten the bolts for the headboard when he brought all her furniture down) and then off they went. Well actually they are still in the driveway hehe. But still gone gone gone wheeeeeeeeee! I should feel bad for being so excited that my daughter will be gone until Monday, but I don't. We're having typical (or so everyone says) pre-teen vs parent angst. Let my folks deal with her I say, I need a break.

Mom leaves a week from tomorrow to go see my brothers family and then to see her folks. We're all very disapointed though, because my brother will be leaving two days before Mom gets down there. He has to go to Iraq, again (for the third time). Mom really wanted to see him, but his orders came through early. I know she's got to be feeling really down about it.

Aaaaaaaaaanyway, it's almost time for me to get ready for work. BRRRRRR!
***************************************************************************

Holy heck it was cold tonight. I barely made it through the night and yet...it's supposed to be colder tomorrow (Well tonight now, seeing as it's 3am). YIKES. My nose hurts. See it gets cold, my nose says "time to run" and I spend all night blowing my nose. So now, on top of the thawing out pains I have "nose rubbed raw" pains too. GRRR! I wore a scarf over my head and then one of those earwarmer headband things on top of that. Then I had my big thick work jacket on over my uniform shirt which was over a t-shirt (which of course was over my bra). On the bottom half I had thermals and my jeans, two pair of socks and then my work shoes. Oh yeah I forgot something...I wore TWO pair of gloves. My feet suffered along with my nose and both are currently in a mid-thaw stage. BRR BRR BRR DAMMIT!

Mostly the night went fine though, but I'm going to get seriously homicidal if people don't stop saying, "Cold enough for ya?". Well DUH!!! The other one that bugs me is, "Your job must really suck." and other comments of that ilk. I'm working, what am I supposed to say, "Yes it sucks?" I don't think so, not if I want to keep my damn job. Plus, B wasn't there tonight. It would seem that he managed to do something to piss the powers that be off and got fired. Dammit. That put EVERYONE there in a foul mood tonight.

Two highlights of the night...a guy comes out totally drunk and says, "16 and 20...that's against the law right?" I told him yes, to which he responded, "See. I'm drunk and I still knew that." So I asked, "which one are you, 16 or 20". He not only informed me that he's not yet legal to drink (being only 20) but also that it was ok because his friend here WAS legal. So, here he's drunk and not legal and has just ratted out his friend for providing alcohol to a minor. I could have called the sherriff, but I didn't. Just told his friend to take his drunk buddy and leave and that he wouldn't be welcomed back. Second highlight...another drunk story. This guy is with a bunch of friends, I don't know WHICH of them actually owns the car involved. But the drunk guy gets on the car roof and starts screaming at the top of his lungs, "OH yeah, dancing on the cougar. Who wants to come party dance on the cougar with me?" Over and over again. Oy, the joys of my job.

You have got to love a shirtless man with nice pecs and abs!

MMM MMMM!! It should be illegal to look as good as M and B do with thier shirts off. M and B are neighbors of mine. They are both firefighters and M is a military reservist who spent time in Iraq. Anyway, I got a flyer on my door for a cage fight that is coming up on Saturday. There in all his naked chested glory is B. WOOHOO. I know they do extreme fighting but they must be pretty good because I've never seen either of them look like they got thier butts kicked.

So it's Thursday, that's means SURVIVOR is on. I love that show. Well ok, more accurately I suppose...I lust Jeff Probst! His sexy dimples get to me. ROWR ROWR!!! But it also means that tomorrow is Friday and I have to work. BLECH. I spent money I couldn't afford, in order to buy some thermals, gloves, scarf and head band thing to keep my ears warm. Here's hoping I stay warm enough. It's supposed to be 10 degrees or some such crapola.

I'm impatient today. I want my artbead stuff to come so I can get some bracelets made up. I ordered enough stuff to make 10 Salvation Bracelets, and I only have 3 sold. But I'm hoping that if I make up extras of things that are really nice, someone will want to buy them. I really thought that my rainbow makers would sell, but they are all just sitting here hanging in my window.

Bitch, moan, complain...I have got to get positive. Maybe soon. I'm just not feeling peppy. Hey! I get to see my Mom on Sunday. That's a great thing. My Dad is coming down to pick up Alex tomorrow. That's a WONDERFUL thing. Except...it leaves all of Skyler's care to me. That part bites because I need to sleep and mr wonderweiner seems to think he needs to go outside every hour LOL

*YAWN*

I'm up. I haven't even had a chance to take a shower or eat something. The dog decided he couldn't wait any longer and woke John up. So, John let him out here with me. That means I have postpone my shower time until I take care of dogboy.

I have chores to do today, like cleaning the (barf) bathroom. I hate that! I share with Alex but she doesn't even think to clean up her own mess. Geez like father like daughter. I've also got to get some other housework done and some laundry taken care of. Then I'm going outside because it's GORGEOUS out there right now!
************************************************************************************

It's after 9pm now and the day is mostly over. Today I...
Got a check I've been waiting on and took it to the bank.
Went shopping at Craft Warehouse and online at artbeads.com to get supplies for an order (related to the above mentioned check). I can't wait to get started!!!!!
Went looking for some gloves and long johns...did you know it's spring already? I didn't! I think if it's supposed to be 10 freakin degrees that SOMEONE should still be selling gloves dammit!
Ate blueberry pancakes and scrambled eggs for dinner.
Got ice cream.
Watched Olympics and American Idol.
Played with superdude the wonderdog.

Ya know, sometimes my dog has great ideas. Don't we all have days when we wish we could just pull the covers over our head and go back to sleep? Check this out...

Pics, pics, pics.

Ok, since Dy wants pet pics I'll post a few pet pics.

This is a picture of my crazy birds. Cricket (on the left) is a 7 year old male Parakeet. Little Bit (on the right) is about a year old now. She's got a recessive trait that keeps her eyes dark instead of getting the lighter iris. They're fun to have and fun to watch. Cricket has a pretty nasty temper and bites, A LOT. He'll jump up on my finger or hand, but then he bites it. Little Bit doesn't like to be handled at all, but if I catch her at least she's nice. I can pet her head and neck without getting my fingers ripped open.

This is Skyler. I already mentioned him. He's a four year old miniature smooth coat black and tan dachshund. Whew that's a mouthful! He's my baby! He'll sit, down, roll over, put em up (raises his paws in an "I surrender" pose), sit pretty and speak. You can even hear him say, "My ball" if you have his ball. My charmer!

This is my angel cat. Abbigail. She was my best friend. I was blessed by her for almost 9 years and she'll be missed for the rest of my life. I adored her. She was stubborn and aloof and such a diva. But nothing made me feel better than when I could bury my face in her fur and listen to her purr. She passed away in June of 2005.

I just love this picture I took and tweaked.

Let me tell ya about my friends

I mentioned some of them already...Susan, Jackie, Neecy, Kat, Wendy and Devon. But there are so many others...

Boops. She's such a gentle spirit. This is a woman who takes pride in her family (especially her little grandson). She's supported me even when I've been a yutz. I think she's an angel.

B&B. They've been my friends through all kinds of things and have always stood by me. I'm very proud of them right now, in case they needed to hear this.

Diana, my friend and neighbor. She makes me laugh.

*sigh* I miss my cat. Her name was Abbigail and she was my very best friend. I had her for almost 9 years. Things just always seemed easier when she was here to rub on.

I am my own novel

Do not judge my pages because my cover looks like one you've seen before. Within the cover of my book, are pages full of things you've never read before. There are joys and sorrows the likes of which you have never seen and adventures you'd never even dreamed of. Each story within is as different as the snowflakes that fall in winter.

I am unique. I am an individual. Just because you know one bi-polar person does not mean you've met us all. Perhaps we read that this one killed himself, that one murdered her children or perhaps this one tried to take over the world. It doesn't mean I would do those things, or even think them. Perhaps this one has a normal life, or that one take five different medications and is stable. That doesn't mean that they are like me. We're all different. Stop trying to lump us in to one form.

I am like the spots on a leopard, the stripes on a zebra or my own thumbprint. There is no one else in the world like me, and I resent any implication otherwise.

Forum woes

I belong to an online forum. Well actually I belong to a few of them, but only one is really worth venting about. The others are sort of lala fluffy stuff.

There are four particular people on my online forum that I cannot STAND. Here they will be reffered to as...

Forum Nazi (FN)
Big Dunce (BD)
Melting Whore (MW)
Sea Witch (SW)

FN, she's got to be the most power tripping person I've had the displeasure of being around, even if just online. FN corrects us like we're children and excuses her behavior because in real life "its my job". Yet she loves to put me in my place, and the fact that I have a varifiable emotional disorder isn't good enough. She was part of the whole controversy which cost several friends (because they left our forum). I think she got exactly what she wanted though, POWER.

I'm still stunned that BD has ANY friends. Can't they tell that she's got an empty skull? She's completely superficial. She can't confront anyone really difficult for her. She'll take on the lesser stuff, but leaves the bigger things to other people. Oh, she'll go running off to someone who shouldn't even be involved and whine about something I said, but she KNOWS she can't take me on, coward. I'd shred her, and I think she's afraid to have the mirror turned on her. UGH, it's like being forced to stay in the same room as a squealing balloon.

MW, nasty little sasquatch! Bed hopping troll. I've never EVER met someone who could be so nice to your face and so evil behind your back. But what do you expect from someone who can't even be honest to a judge? I have no respect for liars. I have no respect for someone who will PROUDLY prance thier immoral life around. *shudder*

Ahhh SW...she who stirred things up with the others, and lied about just how much she helped. Got no respect for someone who backstabs thier own.

I know I'm a bitch. You don't have to tell me that. But I am also FIERCELY loyal to my friends. I expect any "friend" to behave in the same way. If you aren't capable of that basic human courtesy, they you don't belong in polite company. So, since I am not allowed to speak my mind in the forum I love (because I do love it there), I'll speak it here. If you see yourself here and don't like what I've said...tough nougies. I'll delete your comments too if you try to complain, because HERE I'm the boss. I take no shit and I pull no punches. This is the only warning you'll get.

Now, there are some absolutely great chicks there too.

Susan. She's probably Christianity personafied for me. Sweet, loving, gentle and kind hearted. She hardly speaks ill of anyone! I love her to pieces.

Jackie. I probably feel closest to her. I've had friends for longer, but Jackie is...home. We've got so much in common. We're Bama gals. Similar morals, beliefs and sense of humor (ok so I'm funnier hehe). I love her like a sister and cherrish her friendship.

Neecy. My beautiful, special angel. She's gone through so much and she's so strong. I have such an admiration of what she has accomplished and the fact that she continues to shine. Recently I've discovered that we don't have the same belief in God. It hurts my heart but it doesn't take away from my love for her. I just pray a lot more. She's another that I consider to be a best friend.

Kat. Kat, Kat, Kat. I really didn't expect to like her quite so much. She's the sort of plain spoken person that I often admire, but usually am too afraid to get near. See, she'd put me in my place quicker than bug snot. Being bi-polar, I am incredibly oversensitive. But Kat, she doesn't pick at that. She'll tell me what I need to hear, but in a way that I can swallow. Not everyone can do that, but our Kat can. I swear, if her man doesn't marry her soon I'm going to have to beat on him! I think she deserves the world.

Devon and Wendy. They have to go together in the same space. They're pretty good buddies to each other. Devon just had a darling baby girl, Wendy is newly pregnant. They're both very sweet to me.

There's more, depending on the day. But these are the ones that stick out right now. I've got other friends, on other forums. I may post about them from time to time too. Today I have someone in my heart and mind, praying for her continued strength and courage in the battle for her life. I'll pay her the respect and not mention her by name, because I know she wouldn't like it.

G'morning

I'll bet I have a lot of these G'morning posts. It's 8:36am and I'm up. Probably because I went to bed at 8pm last night, very very tired. I was also irritated because my husband was home on a night that he usually works.

John's car broke down AGAIN yesterday. I won't get started on the fact that his truck was in great shape. Anyway, his car broke down and by the time he got it over to the repair shop and got home it was around noon or 1pm. He said he was too tired to be able to work his night shift last night. Like we can afford that. This is the second night off he's taken for a bullshit reason in the last two weeks. Seems like my part time job is just so that he can slack. Especially when he napped for a couple hours and then was up all night long. He could have worked and I told him so. He made a mess in the kitchen, after I just cleaned it up. There's crap everywhere. He cooked for himself. He RARELY cooks for me or Alex, but he'll cook for himself no problem.

Alex got lippy last night and ended up grounded from tv for the night. John tried to make her go to bed when I did (he was already in bed). I don't think so. I dealt with the issue and grounding her from tv was enough, she didn't have to go to bed early. I hate when he gets involved after the fact and is a hardass. Of course Alex had to make more drama, she turned the volume on her alarm waaaaaaaay down and overslept this morning. So, she's got a half hour earlier bedtime tonight to make up for it.

Skyler was his usual good boy self.

I'm just cranky.

My first post

Ok, let's get this started. I had to delete my first post and start over because I can't figure out how to delete pictures out of my posts. I can get them in, just can't get them back out. How weird is that? I decided I didn't want a picture of myself here, since there is one in my profile.

My name is dai. Well my real name isn't dai, but that's not all that important. I've used daionara online for something like 10 years. So, I'm dai. I a 31 year old bi-polar wife and mother. I have a part time job but I am mostly a stay at home parent. It works for me. I was diagnosed bi-polar when I was in high school, so I'm pretty used to it. My poor husband though, it's been a challenge for him. Oh but I am supposed to talk about me here. Hmmm. I can crochet and I make beaded jewelry too (hobbies ya know, supposed to be good for you). I love to read and tend to read anything I can get my hands on. I'm one of those people who will even read the same book again later.

This is my husband. His name is John and he's 31 too. He works fulltime for a really nice guy (my boss too as a matter of fact). Hmmm, hobbies. I'm not sure he has any really. He's pretty much a homebody. Oh! He likes computers. He spends most of his off time watching tv and playing on his computer. John and I are both overweight, but I mostly worry about him. He's diabetic too. I spend a lot of time worrying that he's going to die. I sure hope he doesn't. I'm rather attached to him and would like to have him around a while longer. He's got a decent sense of humor and he's a wonderful Dad to my daughter.


This is my daughter, Alex. She's cute. Something of a drama queen though, but I'm told that's part and parcel with being a teenager. Although she's got another 6 months before that's official. She's incredibly bright and is on the Honor Role at her school. So, she's smart, and sweet and cute too. She claims that she doesn't have any hobbies. But she reads just about as much as I do. She also likes to play her video games, chat with friends via e-mail and spend weekends at her grandparents. What does she hate? CHORES! I'm very proud of her.



Well, this is my family and this is my blog. I doubt you'll see much detail like this in the future. I just wanted you to know who I'm talking about when I vent in my blog. Because that's really what this place is going to be. A place for me to get my feelings out when they aren't making much sense to me. I figure if I can write them down, maybe I can piece them together into something less twisted around.

Oh! I have a dog too.