An Elaboration On My Chubby Chaser Comment

Just for Wendy!

From the time I was first getting interested in boys, I've been a chubby chaser. Though I wouldn't have known it was called that, at the time. My first crush was on Daniel Brown when I was 6 and he was 7. We were "Crushes" all through the elementary school age though we only saw each other during the summers at day camp. He was a chubby boy. In middle school it was Alan Thornhill my 8th grade year. He was dreamy (to me). Again, a chubby guy.

On tv I've always loved John Goodman. I wanted to marry him just so I could snuggle up to him like a teddy bear.

I married John for crying out loud. When I fell in love with him he was already about 400lbs (but at 6'4" he carried it well). 80lbs later and I'm not impressed anymore.

My point was this...even when I was a tiny thing...weighing in at a whopping 114lbs (pre children and depression), I liked the chubby boys. So...I'm a chubby chaser. Heck even down at the bar, the guy I totally crushed on (Adam) is a bit round in the middle.

Seven Shocking Secrets Revealed

So my friend expy had this on her blog and said if we read it, we have to do it. So I have to do it. Apparently I have to name seven random/weird things about myself.

(the rules)
1. Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog. (did this one)
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself. (yup, check)
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs. (Dunno how to do that one)
4. Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog (Dunno 7 people to tage anyway)

Alright, here goes...

1. My littlest toes are half the size of the next one up and have almost no nail on them. They remind me of Herman (the red monster from Looneytunes) in the way they are shaped.
2. I love Bull Terriers (Spuds Mackenzie dog) and want to own a miniature one someday.
3. I prefer animals to humans and would actually rather hit a person than a deer.
4. I think if we have a death penalty then the judge/jury who sentences someone to death should be the only ones charged with carrying out the sentence.
5. I consider myself a Judeo-Christian since after all, Jesus was a Jew.
6. I'm apparently a chubby chaser.
7. I believe that my deceased furbaby Abbigail comes back to visit me.

Muddle muddle, toil and trouble. Cauldron boil and Cauldron bubble.

Yeah long title, I know. But it's been running through my head for days. It's so strange that as I grow more confident in my position in life, things get even weirder with John. I have GOT to blog more often.

For about a month now, John and I have been talking. He says he knows he messed up, that it was all he could do at the time. He was miserable and was just tired of being miserable and so he bailed, badly. Yep, duh. But now he says he loves me. After MONTHS of telling me he doesn't, now I'm supposed to believe those were lies and this is the truth. *Sigh* I'm too tired to figure it out anymore, you know? I love him too, he knows that. But without trust, love just isn't enough. So he's desperate to come "home" and I'm desperate for him to understand that my home isn't his home. He'll be done driving truck at the end of December and STILL hasn't talked to his folks to see if they'll take him in until he saves enough money for a place. I think he's convinced that I'll take him back. Well, I won't. Not like this, not now.

I like my independence. I like coming and going when and where I want, without having to bounce it off a husband. If I feel social, I can hit my bar and hang with my friends. Yep, I have my very own version of "Cheers" where everybody knows my name LOL. If I don't feel social I can stay at home and crochet, watch tv, read a book or play online. Again without having to talk it over with a husband. I like knowing that where my money goes, I put it. Even when I have no one but myself to be mad at for foolish spending, at least I know where it went and when it went there. I like fixing ONE meal at dinner because Alex and I will eat the same things. Sure, there are things I miss about having a husband here but....(Sorry Teresa) that's what BOB is for hahaha.

I dunno. I hate feeling like I'm going to hurt John. I am NOT a doormat but I am a fairly nice person and I just like for everyone to be happy. But this time, I'm NOT putting myself last.

Muddling Through

This is a picture of happiness. My girls, together. I love them dearly and I wish they could spend more time together. Seeing them like this makes me happy. Seeing Alex so happy makes me happier.

We're trying very hard to just make things as normal as possible, but it's hard with this divorce looming over our heads. John has done a fairly good job of playing me for a fool over the past few months and I bought it all, until now. I don't have anything left to give. There's nothing left but a giant void filled with grief, bitter tears and an overwhelming sense of loss. I'm just so sad things had to go this way, really very sad. Who expected it, oh probably everyone. I do have the pleasure of knowing that everyone thought I'd wise up and dump him. HA! Not that smart I guess.

The biggest catalyst to be finished was Alex. He's broken her heart for the last time and I wouldn't be any kind of mother if I continued to allow it to happen.

So we're muddling through as best we can. Prayers needed and appreciated.

Why can't I title my post?

Have a little time on my hands...

so I thought I'd blog a bit more. Why not, right? I also realized that this blog is about the only place I didn't post a picture of how I began to reclaim my identity. Here, take a look.

Yup, bye bye long hair HAHAHAHA

Well actually, I'm growing it back out a bit but this time I'm going to have layers instead of having it all one length and I'm not letting it grow as long. I kind of miss my curls a bit. We'll see. Currently it's in the weird grow out do I cut it or leave it alone stage.

Uhm, still singing kareoke. As a matter of fact I have a pretty decent group of friends that I have met through my kareoke bar. I don't drink or anything, just sing. It seems like those of us that can actually carry a tune have gravitated together into an awesome bunch. Hey hey, for the first time in my life I belong to the IN crowd. WHEEE!!! I'm having a blast where that is concerned. It's like my own little Cheers, where everybody knows my name and they're always glad I came.

Mas manana (more tomorrow).

General update

Alrighty, I figure it's time for an update.




Work-working 6 or 7 days (nights) a week. Busy busy bee, taking as many hours as they'll give me. I hate that I have no real days off, hate that I spend so much time away from home but I have to take care of my family alone now.





Personal-FINALLY to the point where I am NOT in love with John anymore. I actually saw him last night and thought, "YUCK! I married that?!?" So that's a huge step in the right direction.





Alex-Graduated 8th grade with honors, won herself a "Presidential Award" third year running. Go my girl, go!!! She's all attitude anymore, but with the divorce and all, I think it's normal. Plus her being nearly 14 doesn't help. Here's what I see daily...


Dogs-Skyler and Jesse are learning to get along. Jesse has all the appropriate instincts regarding respecting the alpha but Skyler has issues BEING alpha. This means that he ends up a bit more pushed around than he should be, though we're working on that.

Not much here but I'm tired. Just thought I'd let you know I am still alive LOL

Tagged

My friend Kat tagged me on her blog, so I'm supposed to tell you some stuff about me. I'd be more enthusiastic about it but right now, I'm tired and sad. But still, it's cool that she thought of me so I can't let her down, right? So here goes, ten things about me that you may not know...

1. My littlest toes have almost no nail. They remind me of baby chickens.
2. There's not an animal on this planet that I wouldn't pet, hug, or talk to.
3. My best friend in the whole world was a cat.
4. I talk to myself, even designing whole stories or conversations I wish I could have with people.
5. I think people who judge on physical appearances have weak minds.
6. I like most animals more than I like most people.
7. I'm not who people think I am.
8. I like vanilla yogurt better than just about anything else in the world.
9. Rice, tuna and ceasar dressing eating all mixed together, make me happier than sex.
10. I'm still in love with my husband.

So there ya go.

Forever changed

My life yesterday became forever changed. My husband filed for divorce. It came as a complete shock to me as he was still telling me he loves me. Just days, or maybe a week ago, he was talking about how he used to say he'd never get married again and just look at him now, happily married. Now he tells me that he hasn't been happy for a while now.

I'm wondering if it could be as simple as my not having sex with him the last time he came home. Maybe I made him feel bad somehow. Maybe it's not really about me at all. I don't know. I've spent 7 years of my life with this man. I thought I knew him. I thought he knew me.

As it turns out, we never really knew anything at all. Maybe something good will come out of this, maybe (I'm only saying it here dear blog) he'll change his mind and come home.

Memories are bittersweet.

I've been thinking this week, of things I did when I stayed with my Grandparents.

There was this tree that split about 5 feet from the ground from one trunk to two. It was a perfect split for an elementary schoolgirls bottom to fit in. I spent many hours in that tree reading books and day dreaming.

I remember going out to Grandma's garden with her to get fresh green onions. She grew them and they were always washed and the root ends cut off. Then she'd put them on a plate and put them on the table. It must have been every dinner they'd be there.

Grandma's sewing room used to have hippy beads instead of a door. In that room was a doll that I spent a lot of time playing with.

I remember bread and butter for snacks when I got home from school. The smell in the kitchen when Grandma cooked. Her laugh. It's breaking my heart that I am forgetting the sound of her laugh already.

I remember Grandpa's homemade bird houses and bird feeders and filling the feeders all the time. Hummingbirds coming into the house. The smell of salt water because they were within a couple block of the bay.

Grandpa was always quiet but ready to praise and hug.

I can't believe how much pain my heart is still in.

Tribute to my Grandparents.

Stan and Marge Jones, my Grandparents. I loved them more than anyone else on earth probably. They loved me without condition, without thought. They just loved me.

Gram left us on October 18, 2006. Grandpa left us on February 04, 2007. They would have celebrated thier 60th wedding Anniversary in March.

With Grandpa's passing an era has ended. My home is gone. I always thought home was where my Mom is. Nope, home was where my Grandparents were. I'll miss them so much. I love them so much. I hope that I can continue on the path that makes them proud.

Goodbye Grandpa

My sweet Grandpa passed away yesterday. I just talked to him on Saturday and told him how much I loved him and he said he loved me too and that I was a good girl, a good granddaughter. I'm going to miss him.

Dang it all, I had to go and do that letter thing

Sorry y'all. I got the porn spam in my comment section. Now I've had to go and add that letter verification thing. I didn't want that porn stuff poluting my blog.

The ring

Yep, that's it. "THE" ring. Ain't it purty?

Now for everything else.

1. I joined Curves
2. John bought me a gorgeous ring (will post pictures once I get it back from the jeweler). It's being sized and was supposed to be done today, but now won't be done until Saturday.
3. My brother is still in and out of the hospital with health issues.

As The twister spins...

First things first...PROMOTION!!!

Yup, I got a promotion. It's the first time I've ever gotten one and for the most part I am pleased, especially since it came with a hefty raise (ok so for me $.70 is hefty). I'm a Sergeant now. Heck I even have to sign all of my paperwork with Sgt. preceding my name. On top of that, I've been named "Onsite Supervisor" for the Salem District. This means that ALL stationary posts fall under my watch. The Captain doesn't have to handle the onsite crap as well as the patrol crap anymore. So this means that not only am I working two posts (one place over the weekend and a second place Monday nights) as usual, but I'm "on call" to deal with anything that comes up on my off days.

The first challenge came Monday. The client I work for on Monday's requested a change in the paperwork. They weren't specific as to why or exactly what except to say, "We want to know who is coming in and out and why...". But they did say that they had no problem with and in fact liked, my paperwork. Thus the office has decided to make it simple..."Andrea, talk to the other two officers and get this paperwork thing settled." Joy. The male employee took it really well and likes the challenge. I NEVER thought that the way I did my paperwork was challenging, but whatever floats his boat. I write down the time the trucks come in, the truck number and the number of trailers they bring in as well as the number on each trailer. If a contractor comes in, I write down what time he's in, what he did and when he left. Sounds simple enough. But this guy finds it challenging. The most important detail is that he claimed he didn't have any company issue paperwork, so he'd created his own on his computer. I gave him some paperwork. The Captain asked that I go back last night and help the male officer because he was confused. We got things settled easily but I was a bit shocked. He had a HUGE stack of company issue paperwork. He said he found it mixed in with some other stuff at his home. OY!

Now I know that those of you who read here have heard all about the female officer that I've butted heads with at my weekend post. I'm her boss now too. I gave her the same speech I gave the male officer, showed her how to do the paperwork right. Come to find out SHE'S the reason they've demanded a change in paperwork. She wrote down the basics that we're all to write down when we come on shift, and that was it. She didn't write down when the trucks came in or out, didn't document that the contractors were there...nothing. I'll break our last meeting down like this...

Her (in Purple)
Me (in pink)

I do it like the boss showed me.

I see. Well, this is how it needs to be done now.

Do I get a raise now, since they want all this extra stuff?

It's not extra. This is how it's supposed to have been done all along.

Oh. Well this is the only place you're my boss right? Not the other place?

No, I am the supervisor for ALL stationary accounts.

Oh. Did you get a raise?

I've already mentioned to you that wage discussion is against company policy.

So what, now I get a write up or something?

She's difficult and I suspect she'll quit soon. Works for me. I'll pick up her Tuesday night shift here locally, the male officer can get her Sunday night shift and we can fill her Fri/Sat shift with someone else.