Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The heartache of loss

So this is a safe place for me to write out all the pain that comes with divorce.  I need to get it out, it's like a poison in my soul.  I feel like I am being shredded from the inside and I just don't know where everything went so wrong.

I feel so wasted.  My husband hates me.  My home is no longer a safe place, instead there are memories at every glance.  I alternate between wanting to cry and wanting to scream.  I just don't understand.  I spent almost 13 years trying to be everything.  His every happiness was all I ever cared about inside and now, I'm empty.  I feel lost, alone, ugly and hopeless.

How did we get here?  How did we get to the point that he wishes I would die?

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